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If not then you might as well just text random numbers and hope someone is impressed: 2. According to the dozens of girls I’ve spoken to about this, it’s crazy how eager guys are to send a picture of their penis to just about anyone who will look.

It’s not even in the heat of sexting, it’s almost a conversation starter for some guys, like a coffee table book; a horrible, flaccid coffee table book.

Now I know you’re excited and can’t wait to dive into your new world of textual exploration but slow down. The first mistake was hunting down a phone number on Facebook like Joey Greco from Cheaters but that’s a whole other set of issues.

Her text was “UGH” and he responded with the word “Pic.” Was she really going to say “Wow, this stalker found my number, revealed who he was to my dismay, and now he wants a provocative picture of me? ” To make matters even worse, he waits ten hours or so and this time puts PIC in all caps like maybe yelling it in her face will change her mind.

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I went for it, obviously, but she was playing a very guarded hand.

Once those are filed away I know it’ll be worth a trip.

I do like this girl so I’m not going to blow it off with a “she wouldn’t kiss, what a time waster” type ego trip.

A little local ferry, driven by an ancient Sicilian guy with a flat hat and tanned weather-beaten face We’ll have old fashioned suitcases, leather ones with brass buckles and leather straps I’ll be wearing a panama hat and beige suit like this it’s hot 🙂 tell me what you’ll wear Her: Me: ok you’ll probably need a hat too so we’ll get a local taxi to drive us up the hillside to our hotel a little old 1970s Fiat with a coughing engine and sticky plastic seats bad air conditioning struggling to get up the hill, and the driver speaking random stuff in Italian saying “mama mia” alot Finally we ‘ll walk through reception.

We’ll have to sign in as Mr & Mrs Black, to protect appearances and your honour but not spies or perhaps we are 😉 Her: like a movie Me: Yes, Mrs Black we’ll take our own suitcases to our rooms, because they are heavy with all our spy stuff and guns I’ll be all hot and sweaty so I’ll immediately jump in the shower Her: me first Me: as you unpack the clothes you’ll hear me singing you know my shower song?




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She also has to be ambitious, be smart and successful, be educated and have a great job, be family-oriented, be career-driven, want to have (and, unspoken, take care of) kids, knows how to take care of herself (I can only assume this means that she’s thin and has highlights and gets manicures), be outdoorsy, like to be outside all the time (these are apparently two different things), like to camp and hike, be “active” and work out frequently, did I mention beautiful?


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