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Grief is the hard form of caring.” A retired elementary school principal, Astley has devoted himself since Lauren’s death to educating people about dating violence, exploring violence against women, and questioning why boys and men have been enculturated to have such difficulty dealing with rejection and shame.

“We have to dig into matters we don’t have the courage for,” he said.

That’s why she travelled three times to New Orleans to help rebuild after Hurricane Katrina.

And it’s that same attitude that impels Malcolm Astley to combat violence against women. He rattles off grisly statistics: twenty to thirty young women die each year in Massachusetts at the hands of an intimate partner, as do three women each day in the United States.

Looking back, she sees subtle signs of trouble in Lauren’s relationship.

Fujita did not visit her often at either parent’s home.

Such legislation could be an expansion of an anti-bullying curriculum.

Dunne has spoken to the state legislature and the media about warning signs parents and friends should pay attention to that could signal an unhealthy relationship and the potential for violence.

People spilled out of the First Parish sanctuary, into the church basement and onto the lawn.

When Malcolm was a boy and witnessed aberrant behavior, his parents often advised him, “Look under the anger.” The outward control and compassion he has displayed do not always mirror his true feelings. Sawyer wrestled with the question, and his sermon described his search for the answer, asking colleagues and parents who had lost children.

He preached: The best answer I came upon was offered by our intern, Kevin Tarsa, who had heard it in a class with Dr. Every person I have talked to since who has been involved with awful situations like that faced by Mary and Malcolm has agreed.

Lauren tried to break up with him unsuccessfully several times. Dunne recommends that young women not go alone to visit an ex, especially following a difficult breakup. They are surrounded by a cultural preoccupation with winning. And despite society’s increasing acceptance of same-sex marriage, he said, boys are extremely concerned about being seen as effeminate or gay.

According to Astley, “We especially need to attend to the increasing isolation of boys and men, and the pressures they face from our culture, our movies, our television shows, and our video games to compete and dominate and be cool and scary.” While our culture churns out countless images of men who dominate and conquer, it is hard to find masculine role models who demonstrate gentleness and compassion.




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