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My date has only the fondest memories of watching his dad court his mom on their weekly date nights and annual parent-only vacations — in addition to the family roadtrip. “My dad made it clear that his relationship with my mom was the center of everything, while he was also the best dad ever,” he said.) highlighted a 2005 essay by Aylete Waldman about the fact that she puts her husband and their fantastic sex life above their four kids. Four children with whom I spend a good part of every day: bathing them, combing their hair, sitting with them while they do their homework, holding them while they weep their tragic tears. If a good mother is one who loves her child more than anyone else in the world, I am not a good mother. In the event you don’t seek a romantic partner, where do you focus that energy if not on your children? Looking forward to that business trip even though you have to leave the kids at home? Click here to hear what I have to say about all that nonsense (which, for the record, I believed once upon a time, too! You deserve to feel gorgeous, and have whatever romance, sex and love you crave. The most interesting thing about the essay was the resulting shitstorm of controversy which landed Waldman on a much-viewed Oprah episode during which a hostile audience nearly attacked her. Cliche as it may sound: You gotta put yourself first. You must make it a top priority to hang out with other adults — girlfriends, dates, relatives and friends. Yes, that essay is a decade old, but it warrants a revisit because parents — mothers most especially — are still expected to make our children the center of our worlds, and I do love [my daughter]. It is not normal to spend all your time with children, nor make your offspring your primary emotional support. And while you’re at it, indulge in your instincts to have a fulfilling and profitable career — without any guilt whatsoever!

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It’s very common for guys with kids to write in their OKCupid profiles: “My kids come first,” or “My daughter is the center of my world! You want a potential mate to know that your life includes the giant presence of a kid or four. Plus, if you’ve gone through divorce or another crisis that landed you as a single parent, you are no doubt concerned about giving your kids extra care and sense of security. But it is even trickier if one or both of the parents put the kids before their partner.Here’s what to do: Your go/no-go window remains the third date, but the signals will be all new. My ex self-immolated when I joked about meeting his 6-year-old anytime before she was, say, old enough to drive. I treat my date’s offspring like feral, if adorable, animals—keeping my distance and letting them make the first move.You now have to schedule sex around a third-party: the tyke. He slow-walked the intro since it reminded him his wife was never coming back and he was alone. And whether she calls you her BF or the plumber, just roll with it. And if he really hates you, but she doesn’t dump you, be flattered: She wants to keep you around. Ask only that the menagerie be respectful, with no name-calling, biting, or mud-slinging catapults.But it’s not cool to pay lip service to intentions of growing a serious, long-term relationship and from the onset demote your lover to second-rank — even before you message her on Women are certainly guilty of putting their kids ahead of their partner — maybe even more so than men, especially since they are nearly always the primary care giver in the event of divorce.




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