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We sat on the patio, watching women walk by in dresses like neon Band-Aids, and he told me about his recent experiments with bisexuality. I drove out to Denton in 5 pm traffic to hang out with him, and we walked around the tiny picturesque square (“the poor man’s Austin,” someone would tell me later) and bought ice cream at one of those places where you can test a million flavors and it’s so hard to settle on just one.

“Being with another man makes you aware of your own anatomy in a new way,” he said, and I nodded, taking another bite of my apple pie. He tasted a flavor called Sue’s Snickers, and I said, “What does it taste like?

I wasn’t sure how I felt about dating a man who also slept with men—I spent much of the next two weeks kicking it around in my head—but it was definitely not your run-of-the-mill first date conversation. Don’t say Snickers.” And he said, “Okay, it tastes like Sue.” I laughed so loud that it startled the woman behind the counter, and I thought in that moment that the bisexuality thing was fine. In my 20s, I dismissed men for such minutiae: listening to the wrong music, wearing the wrong socks.

I got mad at a guy in college because he liked porn. But I was young, and I was righteous, and I couldn’t forgive any man for failing to be John Cusack (who probably also likes porn). For all my groaning about the city’s men, the guys I met were not the same old stereotype.

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The last guy I’d been in love with was a newly separated homicide detective in New Orleans who listened to the Eagles (every one of those things a potential dealbreaker).On the dating site where I’d met D., I’d scroll through pages of men wearing button-downs with tasteful goatees and Oakleys perched atop their gelled hair. In response to the prompt “What people usually notice about me,” he had put, “Tits.” He had a backpacker scruffiness, which I liked. When we met at the bar, he hugged me as I went for his hand. ” he said, running his fingers over his flat chest. “They’re magnificent.” I joined the dating site about a year ago, a few months after I moved back to town. I liked them, but not enough, and I was growing frustrated by the come-ons that arrived in my inbox from another random dude holding a cell phone up to a bathroom mirror. ” Or: “Greetings from Tulsa.” Some days I got so sick of it that I considered handing out flyers at the Pearl Cup: “38, writer, I promise you will never be bored.” But instead, I would force myself into the awkward singles bar of that damn website, and I would banter with the men who wrote in complete sentences and showed some flair, and I would find myself driving out to Colleyville, to a bowling alley in Garland, to a Mexican restaurant in the Preston Forest Shopping Center.They were walking with God and loving the Cowboys and reading . I had met one extravagant phony in that time, but he was such a good story that I didn’t mind. I might not find love, but, hey, maybe I’d get to know Dallas better.He told me he liked the show , the unofficial bible for polyamorists, endorsed by “Savage Love” columnist Dan Savage. The whole conversation felt like one long dare to prod me into asking if he’d slept around on his ex-wife. “Let’s go to dinner,” he said, squeezing me close as we parted.




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