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These men will often go on to say that the sexual and romantic fidelity "imposed on them" by their wife or significant other and modern western culture is not only unsustainable, but a tired legacy of some rigid moral and/or religious construct that feels unnatural to them.

So I tell these men that they may be right in how they view and justify (to themselves) their extracurricular sexual and romantic exploits.

When counseling spouses who feel violated by various forms of sex and relationship betrayal, the central theme of their pain is quite consistent.

A betrayed spouse's greatest hurt comes not from the extra-marital sexual or romantic behavior (though that is no picnic to discover), but from the profound and often repeated betrayal of relationship trust by one's closest ally, confidante, and life-partner.

As a response to the recent Ashley Madison hacking, the company launched a tool earlier this week that allows people to discover whether their significant others have are cheating on them.

By simply entering the email address of your loved one, you’ll get sent a report detailing whether he or she has been spotted online meeting other people.

And while still not disagreeing with their point of view, I remind them that when a man makes a vow or commitment to a wife or loved one, and then breaks it, he is in violation of his relationship contract.

To further this idea, I strongly suggest that to avoid future ongoing relationship conflict it is best to simply plan on running their prospective extracurricular sexual agenda past their spouse for approval before actually doing it, thus leaving their duplicity and concealment behind.

For those of us who walk the tightrope of clinical work with such couples, these cases are often the saddest of all.This is why men enjoy pornography and strip clubs -- venues that allow them to rather than any particular visual image.The basic idea is if you want polyamory, spousal swapping or a "don't ask, don't tell" kind of relationship, go for it.The underlying message here is that honesty and transparency, even if the outcome of that process is unpleasant, is the only road to personal integrity and self-esteem, not to mention genuine relationship intimacy.Unsurprisingly, very few clients have taken me up on this suggestion.




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