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Maybe this is what scares me about some of the stories I hear – I know that dating can be tough, especially if you’re doing it online.

I have a mother, friends, family, and of course many readers who are dating.

I’ve been emphasising something over the past few months that I feel it’s time to revisit: Dating is a discovery phase.

Use the period from when you meet whether it starts out online or in the ‘real world’ as an opportunity for you both to discover the ‘facts’ about one another and assimilate whether you want to progress…or opt out.

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It’s your job to do the discovery work and you have to prepare yourself that sometimes you’ll make discoveries that mean you have to opt out.

Yeah it’s a pain in the arse, but it’s better than the pain that comes with detracting from yourself or pursuing something past its sell by date.

Dating does require effort, but if you already have to work at dating someone, you’ve got issues. As I said in my last post on Future Faking and Fast Forwarding, if you can’t handle the emotional consequences of making mistakes or being disappointed, aside from slowing down and rolling back your level of investment, I would address these areas so that you can date with a reasonable level of confidence and not feel like it’s a ride or die situation.

I’m not saying that there might not be a hiccup here or there, but if you start dating someone and you’re already feeling like you have to ‘work’ at a relationship you don’t have, the rot will set in fast. Our job when we date, aside from hopefully enjoying ourselves, is to work out what and who we’re dealing with before we make a commitment to have an exclusive relationship and before we feel safe enough to put both feet in and invest ourselves. Manage your insecurities, address any limiting beliefs, and don’t make dating a vocation.

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/ AFP / MANDEL NGAN (Photo credit should read MANDEL NGAN/AFP/Getty Images)Ivanka Trump (L) and husband Jared Kushner are seen at a polling station in a school during the 2016 presidential elections on November 8, 2016 in New York.

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