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Friendly smells tempt you, cotton candy, funnel cakes and the incinerated remains of what was once a hot dog. If you want to be a snarky jerk about it, well that’s what we’re here for). There runs through many ordinary people an authoritarian streak to rival Stalin. When last we left the mud spattered confines of the Derby we were shown a list of 10 Rules for Dating My Daughter. ___Yes ___No #of years they have been married ______ If less than your age, explain why ______________________________________ If not explain why ___________________________________________________ Here we have all the information one might need if you were perhaps the I. They will be expected to conform to the model imposed by their authoritarian parents, no matter what might make them happy, (we’re rooting for son #2 to move to the coast and find a nice young man and with bungalow and a garden). I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROC UTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE. We’ve learned that young women can’t be trusted with control of their own dirty dirty lady bits, so we must protect our noble and pure young men from skanks and sluts. Or orphans , who are immediately suspect I suppose because that makes it harder to guarantee their “lineage”. Rule Three: You must know how to cook as well as I have taught my son(s) to cook. I suffered through 42 hours of labor to have him, and will unleash an unimaginable amount of anger such that the movie 300 will look like an episode of the Little House on the Prairie should you cross me. Well we have learned that Moms can be just as sexist as Dads when it comes to young women. This is attitude more appropriate for a medieval village or sepia toned small town than a modern industrialized society. A woman’s place is in the: ______________________________________ D. But on issues relating to my son, I am the queen of his universe. Rule Nine: Do not be hurt when my son chooses spending time with me over spending time with you. Of course, the misogyny begins to really shine through in these two sections. They wouldn’t do anything to make Baby Jesus cry unless some trollop leads them astray. REFERENCES SECTION: Church you attend _______________________________________________ How often you attend ____________________________________________ When would be the best time to interview your: father? And of course the pastor in this scenario has been elevated to some sort of Co-Parent. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: ______________________________________________________________ C. I may appear to be a pudgy, baggy-eyed, last-season, has-been.

application form for dating my daughter-17application form for dating my daughter-14application form for dating my daughter-36

Marine, gathered these rules together from around the Web, updated them a bit and sent them to me. Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

As the chill bony hands of Old Man Winter settle onto your holiday weary shoulders… the nervous giggle of teenage girls in line for the chance to drop the star quarterback into the stale beer scented dunking booth. A list that did not, in our humble opinion, reflect well on the outdated patriarchal notions of the t-shirt bearer. We hoped that at least our sons might escape such ridiculous overprotective scrutiny of their dating choices. Whilst discussing the List on our super secret Facebook Group, our own J. Hovey came across this delightful example of Mom’s Gone Fascist… This gem was posted to Facebook (and easily accessible by the Google), by a lovely mom who goes by the handle Goodwill Librarian (there are actually many variations on this meme, we’ll be picking on this one because it is the first result on the Google search. Yes, we see the humor in things like this (versions of this application for dating daughters are also floating around, they are just as, if not more, creepy).

as the snow drifts pile and the Christmas credit card bills accumulate… Let your mind wander back to the halcyon days of summer. You cover it with mustard and relish and eat it no matter what it is likely doing to your arteries. In the distance you here the rumble of engines, the shattering of glass, the tortured scream of twisting metal. If you feel the need to respond to the original post after visiting here, please be civil. But one glance at the comments below one of these applications will show a ready audience of parents for whom this is deadly serious business.

Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you.

Let me elaborate: When it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

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